Dolan Article - Cheryl Dolan - Leadership - Coaching


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[Published in: Inspirations, The Your Business Matters Limited Newsletter. April 2006.]

Leveraging Your Most Valuable Resource

93% of what people remember about what you say is how you say it. Only 7% is the words you use. Even with the most carefully chosen words, the impact of your message is directly related to your presence* - how you “show up” as you deliver your message – in the boardroom, in an interview, on a stage, in a relationship, or in any situation.

Imagine yourself:

Being fully intentional about what you say and how you say it
Choosinga response rather than behaving from reaction or habit
Being seen and valued for your unique qualities and presence
Recovering your most resourceful state when “thrown off”
Being a masterful listener and observer
Being totally at ease and confident when expressing yourself in varied situations

Each individual innately possesses a unique message and a powerful, resourcefulstate of being. We are human beings, even though the focus of our attention is often on our human doing. It is actually through our deepest internal connection to ourselves, in the silence and the "non-doing" that we become fully present. From here we can choose our presence, our external connection to the world.

Try this out! Close your eyes and take a deep breath. Remember a time, or an experience you had, that was not so pleasant. You may have had a bad day, something may have gone wrong, and your energy was drained. Picture who was there and clearly observe the sights, sounds, and smells in your environment. Now, notice how it feels in your body. Where is the weight? Check your posture, your jaw, your stomach - how does your body feel as you are reliving that experience?

Open your eyes! Shake it off. Now try the same exercise with one critical change. Remember a real highpoint in your life. Maybe one of the best times ever. Breathe it in.

Really be there. Notice how your body feels now. BE there in your body.

OK, come back! I know - it's harder to shake this one off! Why? Because it feels good.

Compare the difference in how you felt from the first to the second exercise. What changed from one experience to the next? You are in the same room, reading this same article, dressed in the same clothes. In fact, your physical environment probably hasn't changed at all.

The only thing that did change that created a response in you, positive or negative, is what you were thinking about. Our thoughts affect how we feel. Our feelings influence our behavior. Our behavior determines the results we get. When we consciously chose what we think about, we change our results.

Neuroscientists claim that the human brain is hard-wired to think close to 60,000 thoughts a day. And that many of these thoughts are the same ones, cycling over and over. While it may not be possible to stop thinking all these thoughts, it is possible to choose which ones we focus on.

When we are present to what we feel, in our mind, body AND spirit, we can be relaxed, receptive and open to possibilities. From this place we get to choose how we want to feel. We get to choose our response to situations. We get to choose how we "show up". We can choose to access this state at will. Being in a resourceful state impacts our physical presence (posture, body language, eye contact, voice quality) and thus improves our connection with our audience.

Go back to the second paragraph above. Imagine again. Get very quiet - internally and externally. Visualize yourself actively immersed in each context, engagedin the behaviors andfeeling the feelings generated by:

Being fully intentional about what you say and how you say it
Choosing a response rather than behaving from reaction or habit
Being seen and valued for your unique qualities and presence
Recovering your most resourceful state when “thrown off”
Being a masterful listener and observer
Being totally at ease and confident when expressing yourself in varied situations

How do you feel now? What kind of results could you create from this place?

It is actually quite simple, but not necessarily easy, to create a state of quiet, calm presence. To become truly connected to ourselves, shifting from an external to an internal focus can be hard work at first. Some meditate. Some run. Some sing. Some bounce on balls. Some simply remember a highpoint or important person in their lives. Many use multiple methods and different things in different situations.

The brain is made up of billions of nerve cells called neurons. When we think thoughts, engage in activities and experience feelings, we excite neurons and create pathways or patterns in our brain. The more frequently pathways or patterns of neurons are used, the stronger the pathways and patterns become. The stronger the pathways and patterns become the more likely we will repeat these thoughts, activities and feelings as habit. Simultaneous excitation of new pathways and patterns created by new thoughts, activities and feelings creates the growth of new neuronal connections, allowing us to create new habits that will support us to produce the presence and results we want. We must practice these new habits.

When we are truly present, moment by moment, we experience a state of confidence, ease, and trust in our mind and our body. We can create a clear vision of ourselves. We can write a new story for ourselves.

Henry Ford said it well: "Whether you think you can or you can't - you're right."

It really is your choice.You are your most valuable resource.

Who do you want to be? Starting now.

*a. A person's bearing, especially when it commands respectful attention.

b. The quality of self-assurance and effectiveness that permits a performer to achieve a rapport with the audience: stage presence.